It feels so good to reach ten months of little June. I think back to a year ago, when we had one of our worst ultrasound appointments, and everything seemed impossible. I literally could not even fathom what it would be like to have my baby make it to this age.
(If you're just reading my June posts for the first time, this is a really bad place to start. Go to the beginning and work your way from the start of my pregnancy to now. (June and Pregnancy) Maybe I need to make an organized list...I'm not sure how easy it would be to scroll to the oldest post and work forward. Good luck. Ha!)
I have grown a lot as a mom in the last month. I FINALLY feel like I can do dishes, keep up with laundry, feed my baby, and watch her, all while I'm home alone. Up until recently, I was relying on the times my mom would come over and help with those things. I must say, it feels good to figure this part out and have some balance again. And please know, I am not saying my house is clean all the time. Right now, it resembles the aftermath of a tornado with several piles of clean clothes thrown in.
We just celebrated Father's Day. I'm thankful for Cal and the amazing dad he is for June. She definitely deserves a good, strong set of parents...and he holds up his end of the deal. He is kind, caring, supportive, patient. He doesn't complain when June and I hog the entire bed. I could not do all this without him. Becoming a parent to a baby with extra needs never, ever crossed my mind. Like, in a thousand years, I would not have thought this would be my life. Fortunately, Cal has taken my hand so we can face this together.
I hesitated to even share this post. I deleted it several times. I NEVER want anyone to think I'm complaining about June, taking her for granted, or seeking an internet pity party. Those things are dishonoring to God and my family.
I don't know what it's like to struggle to get pregnant. I don't know what it's like to have a miscarriage. But I do know what it's like to see the dozens upon dozens of healthy babies scroll through my newsfeed and know that will not be our experience. I am thankful for June. She has made me better. Her limitations make her even more precious to me. But there is a part of me, the selfish part, that wishes she would be able to go to ballet classes one day, to go to school and make friends, to go to the prom, to get in trouble with her besties, to get married. June doesn't want those things. I do. June won't miss those things. I will. What's important to June is that her daddy and I are here for her. And I can't fault people for being proud of their little ones. I share my girl because I'm proud of her and they are merely doing the same.
So, just as you probably shouldn't ask young couples when they're going to start poppin' out some kids, you might not want to ask when I'm having another. It also applies to asking about June's specific medical issues. I am grateful for the privacy most people have given us. You may think it's strange we don't share more openly about her condition...sorry, not sorry. If I can be frank, it's none of anyone's business. It is still bizarre to me that I am able to share as openly as I do. I much rather be a hermit and keep these thoughts inside my head, but I share to educate. I share to help other people understand what is and what is not okay to say. And in the same fashion as my pregnancy blog posts, I've probably scared some of you from even talking to me in real life.
People have asked how they can pray for us. You can pray for my everyday strength. You can pray for June to remain as healthy as possible. You can also pray for the kindly people on the other end of the phone when I call about medical bills. They always seem to not know what hit them. ;)
In all seriousness, each day is more amazing and more difficult than the one before. I tell Juney about 400 times a week that she is my best friend. We were meant to be together and the greatest honor of my entire life is being able to care for her. I know Cal would say the same.